Why Parents Drink
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman!"
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME."
-----
A well-dressed man walks into a bar on the 60th floor of a very high-end hotel. Being early in the evening, it's relatively quiet, with only the bartender and one other patron there.
The bartender looks up with a smile on his face and warmly calls out: "Mr. Kent! How are you, sir? Can I get you something to drink?"
Mr. Kent orders a drink, and takes a seat next to the other man at the bar, who is obviously upset. After striking up a conversation, Mr. Kent is told how the man's wife had recently left him for another man, and is taking him for everything he's worth in the divorce.
The two men trade stories back and forth for hours, ordering drinks the entire time. Eventually, a drunken Mr. Kent decides to show his new friend a trick, hoping to lift his spirits.
Mr. Kent walks over the the large window on the far side of the bar, and opens it up. Wind rushes into the bar as he glares over the edge, at the street 60 floors below him.
"Watch this" Mr. Kent exclaims, as he takes a running start and leaps out the window.
Shocked, the other man rushes over to the window, and sees Mr. Kent falling... 50, 40, 30 stories... 20, 10... and right before he hits the ground, Mr. Kent miraculously turns around and flies straight back up into the bar.
The man is speechless...
"It's a wind current" Mr. Kent explains. Watch, I'll do it again. Sure enough, 50, 40, 30, 20, 10... right before he hits the ground, he swoops right back into the bar.
"That's amazing!" exclaims the other man. "I wanna try it!"
Before Mr. Kent can even protest, the man runs and jumps out the window. 50, 40, 30, 20, 10... *SPLAT!*
Mr. Kent looks out the window and shrugs, then walks back over to the bar and orders another drink.
As the bartender hands Mr. Kent his drink, he looks him right in the eyes and says: "Superman, you're a real asshole."
-----
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it, " The blonde says, "don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another ten feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The blonde woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says.................................
.................Are you ready for this?
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
It says,
"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds a permanent wave."
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01. November 2024, 22:39:22 (10:39 PM)
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