Topic: How to Dump a Man (Read 7415 times)

Haly · « **on:** 17. August 2006, 11:48:55 (11:48 AM) »

HOW TO DUMP A MAN:

Dear _________________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

(Check those that apply...)

____ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

____ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

____ The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a
little lighter and YOUR pants a little tighter.

____ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other then my personality.

____ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

____ Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands.

____ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

____ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

____ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

____ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

____ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

____ You still live with your parents.

____ Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

____ Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

____ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking
in a long-term partner.

____ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches please resubmit your application

____ Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

____ I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely, ____________________

Author Topic: How to Dump a Man (Read 7415 times)

Haly

How to Dump a Man

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